![]() ![]() To my mind, a man who is that focused on the size of other men's penises really doesn't qualify as all that straight. Sometimes, the husbands were very concerned about being seen as heterosexual, but they spent an awful lot of time looking for well-endowed men for their wives. Sometimes, bringing a man to bed with the wife was a pretext-a bait and switch if you will-for the husband to then engage sexually with the man as well. For more than half of the men I interviewed, male bisexuality played a role in the husband's desire to watch his wife have sex with another man. Many of the men expressed that through their wife's open sexuality, the couple was actively and consciously rejecting social pressures to suppress female sexuality, assert monogamy and patriarchal power. I was surprised by how many of these couples embraced powerful feminist principles, and how many husbands described the joy they felt at their wife's increased independence, confidence, and assertiveness, coming from her freedom to have sex with other men. ![]() Historically, such men have been beaten, ostracized, and ridiculed, and regarded as weak, "sissy men." Some of the men I interviewed described explicitly that the taboo was the thrill for them, from the excitement of the forbidden and the naughty. There are few things in our society as stigmatized as a husband whose wife is unfaithful. Nearly every couple I interviewed told me that after an episode of the wife having sex with another man, the couple felt like they were "in heat." After watching their wife with another man, the husband is prompted biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex, has a shorter refractory period between erections, ejaculates harder, and his ejaculate contains more sperm. As Christopher Ryan, author Terry Gould, and researchers Baker and Bellis have suggested, there is a biological response playing out here, one that affects a male sexual drive. ![]() ![]() I'd rather watch her having sex than some porn actress I don't know." Many men told me, "My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Watching your wife have sex with another man may be a next step, or progression, from watching yourselves have sex by having a mirror on the ceiling, then using a video camera during sex, and finally watching one's spouse with someone else. If they are used to such a voyeuristic process in their sexuality, there is some legitimacy to suggesting they may incorporate it into their marital sexuality. Many suggest that we live in a "pornified culture," where most men of college-age and older have seen pornography, and use it as a part of their sexual repertoire. ![]()
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